Women have been in the white-collar workforce for a generation, but plenty of things about them still puzzle many a male manager. As an HR leader and working women for a generation myself, I've compiled this Top Ten list of tidbits that the women in your workplace would love for you to know.
1) View me as myself, not a stand-in for The Working Woman.
Women tell stories, when they get together, about being the token woman in the management meeting, the only woman in the sales meeting, the only woman on the business trip. That's not the bad part - the bad part is being viewed as a specimen, representative, and spokesperson for the entire gender.
2) Don't compliment me by saying that you wish you could compliment me.
Ten years ago, it was irritating to have to listen to boorish male co-workers say "Gee, that skirt really shows off your legs." Today, it's almost worse to hear them say "I'd tell you that you look great in that skirt, but I'd get in trouble!" Just can it - the lame disclaimer doesn't help.
3) Don't assume that I don't know what I'm doing.
It shouldn't happen, after all these years, but female software engineers still report that their male colleagues say things like "Check her code again, just in case." Because she's a woman. And it shouldn't happen, but when a woman gets promoted, someone is sure to say "Well, they must have needed more women in management." What if she's just, well, qualified? Can we assume that men and women are equally equipped to do their jobs?
4) Don't ask me about my child-bearing plans.
If you and I are friends, that's one thing. But if we're not, you have exactly no right to ask me a) whether I plan to have children; b) whether I plan to have another one, once I've had one child; or c) anything else relating to my family planning. Why do some managers assume, that because my three-month absence for maternity leave might have some impact on the business at some point (if I'm still working here, when I have kids, if I even make that choice) that they have a right to know about it?
5) Don't put me in the Girl Ghettos.
If I apply for a job in PR, Marketing or HR, that's your cue that I'm interested in one of those jobs. If I don't, please don't jump to the conclusion that I need to work in one of the designated Female departments. If I'm succeeding as a mechanical engineer or the Director of IT, that's because I like the work. Let me succeed or fail in it!
6)Don't get freaked out when two of us arrive.
Many a female manager has noticed that as long as she's the only woman in the group, her male co-workers do okay. But when the second women leader shows up, people get nervous....as in, The Women Are Taking Over! That's ridiculous. Men still rule the roost in corporate America, for better or worse, and two (or three, or four) women in leadership does not a coven make.
7) Don't worry about my family - they're fine.
Working women report being caught in a vise - when they're going great guns at work, their bosses still give them less challenging assignments or stall their career growth "for the sake of your kids." They're my kids, for Pete's sake! I'm perfectly capable of deciding how many hours at the office, how much travel, and what size job I can manage while parenting them. You, as my boss, have nothing to do with it.
8) Don't dismiss my non-linear judgment.
It's well established that women's and men's brains operate differently. But there's a great tendency in the corporate world to pooh-pooh and belittle the non-linear, intuitive decision-making that so many women are so good at. If I'm getting the right answer most of the time, I deserve to get airtime: even if I don't lay out my argument in your favored PowerPoint-style, data-driven format.
9) Don't freak out when I get emotional.
Look, male managers pound their fists on the table and everyone's supposed to deal with it. But let a woman show a little mist in her eyes, and people say "She's emotional," "She's hysterical" and "She's not playing fair." You've got your emotional expression, and we've got ours. We're tired of hearing that our hard-wired emotional reaction to an emotionally tough stimulus is any less PROFESSIONAL than yours is.
10) Don't make me your mother, or your child.
It happens every day: a working woman realizes that her male boss or co-worker has substituted her for his mom or daughter, to her utter dismay. If you're treated with respect, kid gloves, deference and have no influence in decisions - and are "protected" from bad news - then you're Mom. If you're treated graciously and carefully and kept out of difficult or thorny situations, you're somebody's surrogate daughter. Women won't tolerate that. We are just who we are - women that you hired, women who will make your company thrive and flourish, if you let us.
Hi, I'm not in Management, nor ever have been. At the moment I am unemployed, but I wish to attempt to respond to your Ten Points, as they have related to me in working under women and having women co-workers of various ages.
ReplyDelete1.I view you as you present yourself to me in your words and actions. If you are my boss, I accept that you are my boss. If you are my co-worker, I accept you as my equal. If you are not my equal in knowledge and experience of the job duties, I accept you as trainable, thus I will help you become my equal. I expect to learn from you, as well.
2."Appearance" compliments are now rare by me, while "on-the-job." Even a wholesome compliment you might make to your Mom, sister, or aunt, said to a co-worker, will get a male into trouble, if a woman chooses to take offense. A meeting WILL be held, so even if supervisors/management decides in your favor, you will get a "soft" warning not to do it again. In unwritten ways it's also factored into your performance review, raises, promotions, and all other future encounters where it can be used against you, until those supervisors and managers leave the company.
(As a guy, I am forced for my own sake to put these kinds of things behind me as fast as possible, after due consideration as to the possibility I may have actually misspoke, while not intending to. Yes, self-examination is required each time, no matter how trivial the incident. So, many women need to learn a compliment can be just that, a compliment; even when on the job.)
3.I assume a woman knows what she is doing, unless I have been instructed to train her. In some cases, a woman, or any employee, may not realize I must not deviate from certain instructions I have been given, as part of the job or because you are new to the job. I have no control over this.
4.I could care less about your child-bearing plans, especially since I believe it is illegal to ask such questions, especially before hiring someone. It makes sense this may remain true after hiring. Check out the law on this. You may save a boss.
5.Either don't work for an idiot employer who doesn't get what your training and experience is telling him/her or negotiate a compromise by telling the person, "I welcome the opportunity to add new skills to my resume such as PR, Marketing, or HR, and will gladly work for 6 months in that area, if you promise me in writing that I can move to my area of expertise after that 6 months of enhancing my skills set. Otherwise, no thank you." Six months to a year in another area could be the price paid for getting the best job of your life, if they agree to put it in writing. If they do not follow through, then immediately turn in your resignation.
6.I won't get freaked out when two women arrive, for I have worked primarily with women my entire career.
7.Your family is your problem. Bring it up if you need to, for virtually every man and woman has a family. Open, honest communications is the key to any good organization.
8.Any form of thinking that might be "out-of-the-box" thinking is creative thinking, which every organization needs.
9.When you get emotional on the job, I think men are hard-wired to see this the way it's seen in a family or social setting. Even women will often react negatively to female emotions on the job. This one needs some deep research. I have no good answer for this one. A weepy boss is hardly inspiring to a man, though. Women too, I think. Maybe the fist-pounding man (note a certain Libyan leader) incites a "can-do" spirit, however stupid and primitive that may seem.
10.All I want you to be is a good boss or a good co-worker. Treat me with respect and dignity and I will do my best to do the same toward you.
Hope I have added something positive.
Allow me to add to the above by saying I have worked for nearly 30 years with women with various employers, so I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly, in women and men, supervisors, managers, and co-workers of all ages. Ranging from co-workers in their teens to co-workers, supervisors, and managers in their sixties.
ReplyDeleteFor a time, I worked under the leadership of a 23 year old lady--less than half my age at the time. I saw her as skilled, intelligent, articulate, decisive, and a quick learner. Behind her back, others under her were critical of her, because they expected things of her, which were impossible under the circumstances. Some of those critical of her were WOMEN--one old enough to be her Mother. She was the youngest female Manager I recall working under.
I find women the most critical of other women.
Women in supervisory or management positions who feel they have been passed over by men for higher positions over the years can also be vindictive and discriminatory toward men under them; in subtle ways that are hard to perceive and virtually impossible to document.
Men can certainly be ignorant, abusive, and discriminatory toward women, as well as toward men. The higher up a man is in an organization, usually the greater his ability to "get-away" with actions he would fire underlings for.
We have come a long long way in the workplace, yet still have miles to go. However, lower ranking men, along with women, are often part of the "collateral damage" deemed acceptable in moving forward on women's issues and other issues in the workplace. That bothers me, for I still need to work.
Whether it was because of a strong Mother authority in my life or common-sense, I feel I have been far ahead on some of these issues. Or maybe I encountered them earlier in my life than most people, then realized, like it or not, a different point-of-view was to prevail and I should adapt. Still, I would be labeled as having failed to adapt at various points along the way, while some I know who did not adapt in their heart, go their merry way. Often with the full support of women. So, women need to make a differnce, for women and for men, to create the workplace we all need. Well, as close as we can get to it.
Thank you for your time.
Thanks Wyman for your view and insight! It would be so helpful if more thought and felt the way you do about this particular subject.
ReplyDelete